dear nancy

if you are reading this i read your blog too

p.s. i like it

today.

dear today,
why do you feel like friday? frankly, that's kind of mean.

<3, me.

beach music / my asshole

BEACH MUSIC IS THE WORST BOOK EVER. CURSES TO GONZALO MUNOZ WHO SAID HE CRIED WHEN HE READ IT AND THAT'S THE ONLY REASON I HAVE KEPT READING IT. NOW I AM ON PAGE 777 OUT OF 800 AND I STILL HATE ITS GUTS.

Here are the topics (seriously) this stupid book has covered:
- Suicide
- the Holocaust
- the Vietnam War
- Orphans
- Cancer
- A child growing up without a mom
- Food Writer from Italy
- A man who killed two people and then faked his death and lived on the sly as a priest in the Vatican REALLY GONZALO REALLY?!!?!?
- The founding of Waterford, South Carolina
- Schizophrenia
- Alcoholism
- The dumbest shit I have ever read.

Luckily I just treated myself to 3 new marvelously beautiful books that I cunt wait to read.

<3 xoxoxo happy thursday.

my favorite cereal date.

seriously it's like candy. but it's good for you.

women rule.

it's me ok?!

manic monday

well here's a recap for the weekend.

cut off half my fingernail: check!
surprise bridal shower for michelle: check!
love the wallace family: check!
play with mindy: check!
remember how i used to want to marry kevin wallace: check!
sleep: fail!
horse show: went well! check!
lost my cell phone: check!


the end.

bad dante.

this is my horse dante. everyday i tell him to please stop being broken. but then he's still broken. i mean maybe he's deaf?

help me be big again

last night i went on a double date with my grandparents. they set me up with my grandma's really good and recently widowed friend mrs. sealey. she's so ditzy and funny and probably she was the greatest date ever. we ate dinner at my grandparents house except this stupid lady made me stay really late at work so i had to eat my dinner while they were eating dessert. then we went to see one flew over the cuckoo's nest. then mrs. sealey kissed me goodbye and i told her to call me <3

point 2- jack nicholson was hot as shit! what a stud.

my pal.

friday night we went to adams morgan and i ran into a pal. soumik pal to be exact.

so i had a large pitcher of sangria with melissa last night

and then i had this thought about dogs. why is it that dogs can understand certain words in english but we don't understand anything in their language? if i tell my dog to "go downstairs", he definitely understands that, and he goes downstairs. it's not like he gets rewarded for that, or gets food or anything. he just does it. so clearly he understands. so why don't i understand the difference between his barks. a legitimate question, right?!

also: why is my cat named canoe?

what is coffee?

Sometimes I feel like a bad person because I drink so much coffee. Then I feel really proud because at least I drink it black. Then I feel kind of ashamed because the only reason I started drinking it black is because my grandma used to make fun of me for asking for cream and sugar. Then I feel a little homogay because I like hazlenut coffee. Then I feel really really good cause coffee is the closest I can get to taking drugs at work.

Then I feel like I'm smart because coffee prevents dimentia. Weeee!

A team of Swedish and Danish researchers tracked coffee consumption among 1,409 middle-age men and women for an average of 21 years. During that time, 61 participants developed dementia and 48 Alzheimer's disease.

After controlling for numerous socio-economic and health factors, the scientists found that the people who had reported drinking three to five cups of coffee daily were 65 percent less likely to have developed dementia, compared with those who drank two or fewer cups . Those who drank more than five cups a day also were at reduced risk of dementia, but there were not enough people in that group to draw statistically significant conclusions.

what if simpleman

was really my horse dante this whole time?!

the gym.

so all this dating leaves me little time to go to the gym. i haven't been in two weeks straight. yesterday my gym sent me this email.
____________________________________________________________

We are pleased to have you as a member, and we continually strive to provide you with excellent customer service.

Healthy Lifestyle Tip: Staying Motivated

Here are some tips to help maintain your enthusiasm:

Remind yourself how healthy and good you feel after a workout.
Pat yourself on the back after each visit – 85% of the population is sedentary.
Set short-term, realistic goals. These goals can be as simple as getting in a workout three times a week or as personal as fitting into an old pair of jeans.
Recruit a partner. You are less likely to skip a workout if someone is waiting for you.

The important thing is to not let your goals go unfulfilled.
______________________________________________________________

i wonder if they sent my picture to everyone at the gym so everyone knows i'm the one that never goes :(