today sucks

have tickets to the skins game...but its raining and i hate everything

spilled coffee all over everything possible

haven't gone grocery shopping so i had to eat boring boring soup for lunch

have to send a letter to australia how the fuck do you even do that

kangaroos are dumb.

who are these guys anyway

this ultra professional hoodie i'm wearing is really the only good thing about today.

that and my attitude. i'd say my attitude is superbly good today.

this is great.

i knew there were others.

seriously, this is the best article ever:

"Sometimes you walk into Sheetz or a Wawa and there's too much to consider. How it all got here, the plastic for the lids and the cups, the tomatoes, the people who sliced them, somewhere, the beer trucks, the bakeries, the Tylenol, the warehouses, the trash, the couple having the fight outside, the smell of sugar, and meat, and milk and coffee, the electronic checkout scanners beeping tiny little signals back to the warehouses so as to most accurately resupply it all for tomorrow. It's the microcosmic story of us, the convenience people. "

Wawa: It's that end-of-Sunday feeling of sand in your shoes, bikini-strap sunburns and dry hair, the last gas stop before home, the skin around your fingernails swollen from blue crab juice and Old Bay.

Sheetz: That crack-of-dawn feeling when you're on your way to shoot at something. The way your truck looks glorious with mud on it.

Wawa: They have already-sliced apples, and ooh -- hummus, carrots, yum. They have a promotion going for flatbreads made your way. Doesn't that sound good for us?

Sheetz: Calls french fries "fryz" and quesadilla "quesadillaz" -- what else can it put a Z on the end of? (Condomz?)

Wawa: Here is Howard Stoeckel on the phone, the CEO since 2005. To talk to Wawa's corporate people is to enter a world of relentless sunshine and customer satisfaction. They want to know you, the customer, all about you. That is, if you want to be known. It seems it's always free balloons and doughnuts day in a Wawa somewhere. If you're too tired for that sort of pep this morning and just want the damn coffee, they still love you.

whoever you are hank stuever i think i love you.

shes spanish i'm american.

yesterday

caught someone bringing their own soap into the bathroom

learned about baboons on the elevator

spied another womanstache on my floor. i thought we talked about this ladies.

had an adult conversation. being 25 is so womanly. i wonder what 26 will be.

i think i found my next book

"After six months on the run, he emigrated to New York at 24 with $200, no English and no contacts.

He slept in Central Park and delivered groceries for $15 a day.

Two years later, thanks to a former nun who found him a home with a generous elderly couple, Deo enrolled at Columbia University on his way to medical school."

giving guns to prisoners

in theory- kind of cool. in reality- retarded.

p.s.

on saturday dante got a little excited during the lesson i was teaching and one of the kids pointed it out and they all laughed at him :(

dad is the new mom.

yesterday my dad came over to my apartment and i thought he would stay for 20 minutes but actually he stayed all afternoon. i made him eat my food. he told me my mom drives him nuts but direct quote "she's ok". he fixed my internet, made my crooked mirror straight, and took the wobbles out of my kitchen table. he also drank some sprite and wasn't that mad that i don't have ice. then he told me my apartment is pretty cool and said all i need now is a boy to share it with. cute.

don't hate

know what else is weird?

how much i'm blogging today.

weirdest facebook message ever

after dreaming about being in my last job last night, which was weird because it was over 2 years ago, i just received a facebook message from my old boss from said job. we've only talked once since i left there. WEIRDDDD.

here are some quotes in case you don't believe me about how wonderful these books are:

"Her kiss was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering."

"Then he almost but didn't say the two sentences he'd been meaning to say for years: part of me is made of glass, and also, I love you"

"Sometimes I imagine my own autopsy. Disappointment in myself: right kidney. Disappointment of others in me: left kidney. Personal failures: kishkes. ... When the clocks are turned back and the dark falls before I'm ready, this, for reasons I can't explain, I feel in my wrists. And when I wake up and my fingers are stiff , almost certainly I was dreaming of my childhood. ... Yesterday I saw a man kicking a dog and I felt it behind my eyes. I don't know what to call this, a place before tears. The pain of forgetting: spine. The pain of remembering: spine. All the times I have suddenly realized that my parents are dead, even now, it still surprises me, to exist in the world while that which made me has ceased to exist: my knees. ... To everything a season, to every time I've woken only to make the mistake of believing for a moment that someone was sleeping beside me: a hemorrhoid. Loneliness: there is no organ that can take it all."

<3

so i just read that jonathan safran foer (author of one of my favorite books ever- extremely loud and incredibly close) and his wife nicole krauss (author of another of my favorite books ever- the history of love) live together in park slope, brooklyn. that's you santy, right? isn't it weird to think that these two lovebirds/most amazingly wonderful authors ever wrote these things just down the street from you? you are in the midst of magically wonderfully beautiful thoughts. if you ever pass one of them on the street or in the market or something can you just ask them to please write another book because i am aching for one.

weirdest dream ever

this morning i woke up and felt like something really familiar just happened. well now i remember. i had a dream that i still worked for the washington internship program and they forgot to pay me all summer. so i called the office, which i had never thought to do before, and my boss didn't work there anymore. so i stopped by to introduce myself and see how i could get my check, and it was all these pretty young things who had somehow taken over the company and i sat next to one and i was like HI I'M JESSIE I'VE BEEN WORKING MY ASS OFF ALL SUMMER FOR NO PAY hey you look familiar are you a willer? turns out it was baby willer (hayley?) and she didn't care.

byee.

barry

i've been trying to think of a name for my car for a long time. a year and change to be exact. so finally after a lot of blood sweat and tears i have dubbed him barry, as in: the blacker the barry the sweeter the juice. with no further ado i introduce the newest member of the loutoo clan:

barry loutoo

moustaches man

well lately i've been seeing a lot of women with moustaches. i'm kind of like yeah! woman power! you don't have to shave that shit. but also- should you maybe? it's kind of gross.

feeling great feeling good how are you

i've been a little busy. here's everything.
1. sun kil moon- so fucking good. get that.
2. met my neighbors who also went to au- sometimes we play. this whole living on my own thing is supremely wonderful.
3. got my stitches out. my toe looks more retarded now than when the stitches were in. boo.
4. susie is back in miami. it was kind of nice having a mom again. oh well there's always next year!
5. i caved and got cable. like every channel. ever. i call this year: splurge on everything you probably can't afford but it's most likely going to be ok.
6. slowly but surely decorating the apartment. it's kind of stressful being solely responsible for that but also really fun
7. i know it's a long way away but i'm thinking for my birthday this year we should go camping or something. anyone interested? it will be october but there's a 3 day weekend!
8. i got (free) preseason tickets through work to the redskins v. patriots game aug. 28 at 8pm. anyone want to come? i have 4 tickets and a few maybes.
9. can someone come home already? i miss you stinkers.

speaking of eating boogers

yesterday i was driving to dante's house for a booty call and at a traffic light i was right next to this car with a kid in the backseat. we were staring at each other and without taking his eyes off me he picked his nose and smeared it on the window.
then i realized it was alissa. that bitch didn't even tell me she was home!

chocolatebicycle

obviously.

chainsaw massacre

clarification on my jokes. the chainsaw massacre was all my fault. well mostly. my parents' garage is full of junk including a bunch of things from my old house that i wanted to move to my new apartment. so in trying to get to my stuff which was at the back of the garage, i moved this chainsaw out of the way but actually there was no where to put it so i just put it on the ground. next day. i'm moving my kitchen chairs from the garage to the driveway so the movers can take them and kaboom i walk right into the chainsaw on the ground. by mistake i was wearing flip flops. it wasn't on otherwise i don't think i would have any toe at all. luckily it just bled a lot for a few hours but i had to finish moving. then i walked around and my toe was in excruciating pain. then susie called the clinic near our house and told them her daughter might need stitches can we make an appointment. then they asked how old her daughter was and i think we were all a little embarassed when she said 25. then i got stitches and a tetanus shot from nurse inga. did you know that when they give you stitches they have to stick a syringe of novacaine into your foot and it hurts and stings probably worse than cutting it open in the first place? susie came along and offered her hand for me to hold. i said no i think she's still mad about it. mommmmyyyy i have one again. bye.

some jokes.

what do you get when you put my foot and a chainsaw in the same room?


(stitches!)


what happens when you are supposed to house-sit two people's houses at one time?


(lots of making out!)


what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real?


(they get a beer at the white house!)