someone arrest that shark!

this is the story about a shark serial killer. read it ok.

in other news: did you know that in new york it is illegal to have sexual relations with someone you know you are related to, even by marriage. yep. you should read this article its pretty interesting. in case you don't have time this is the best part anyway: "According to court records, the daughter has a tattoo reading "Daddy's Girl" on her behind."

picture dayyyy

you might be wondering what it looks like to stay up all night and do a case challenge. this is us at 2am at the last challenge, 5 hrs away from game time. the old guy is our communication coach who stopped by to "help" but i think you can tell from alex's face that we all wanted to kill him.

oh yeah!

i remember actually. it was about my neighbors.

the grundles.

ok actually i don't know their names but they are really grundley if you know what i mean. the walls here are paper thin and months ago when i used to be home sometimes i would listen to music and mrs. grundle would knock on the wall in anger. my speakers aren't even that loud, so i got a little mad about it. lately it appears that the boyfriend, mr. grundle, if you will, has moved in. this is a new advancement, but it seems to be keeping mrs. grundle less grumpy, and the knocking on my wall has reduced severely. phantastic.

now that i am home and now that there is a mr. grundle i have realized that if i sit on my couch in silence i can hear every word of every conversation that goes on in their apartment. i don't think this would be that exciting if i had normal neighbors, but over the past few days i have learned a lot about the grundles that makes me believe they are really really weird. one day for example they were singing christmas carols to each other and correcting each others' pitch. and now that i know how much fun it is to find out weird things about them its really hard not to listen. but i know thats creepy so im working on it.

i hate them.

bye.

ohmigosh

i am so tired. let's start there.

this weekend has been insanely fun. it started with a daytime pub crawl and some ugly xmas sweaters, followed by several intense games of skeeball, followed by a potluck xmas dinner followed by a long night of dancing and shenanigan making. the result is that i have a skinned knee, my shoes are all danced out, and there are several unexplained gaps in my memory.

lets not talk about it.

unfortunately, i have one last bit of work to tie up and after 3 days of phun its so hard to concentrate on anything besides sitting on the couch or watching mtv or eating. and even those are hard sometimes.

in other news: there was definitely a reason i was writing this blog but now i can't remember. this is embarrassing.
i gotta go.

1 EXAM TO GO!

WHO WANTS TO PLAY PATTYCAKE!

aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

4 hr exam. coming up. i imagine it will be like attempting to sprint a marathon.

weeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!

save me.

saw this on my way to school this morning

LOL!

festival of lights

on your dome!

this apartment community could not get any cuter. what will you surprise me with tonight at 2am? PRESENTS AT MY DOORSTEP?!?!?! i dare you.

weeeeee

hi featherdusters.
cereal here.

studying for exams last quarter nearly ended my life.

here's how things are going so far this time around:

got on someone's shoulders last night so he could play flip cup better.
marshmallows in my belly. lots of them.
godiva hazelnut cream coffee. oh my.
8 hrs of sleep at least once over the weekend.
tell people i will study with them then ditch them
study a lot for the exams i have a chance at getting A's on, f the others.
relaxipants.

feeling better already.

here's what's happening over the next week:
marketing exam monday
econ exam tuesday
operations exam wednesday
wonder if i will fail my
valuation exam thursday
party party party
monday present my project in houston
try not to be hungover
wednesday come homeeeee til january 5th
holy schnitzel that was fast.
speaking of january
in case you are wondering tito and january had a baby
no this is not a joke.

catch you on the flip side.

last night i came home to this wonderful surprise

christmas tree

on your dome!

bye!

love.

top 10 reasons i love texas:

10. it is nov. 24, it is 6pm, and it is 78 degrees and breezy.
9. bbq. get in my belly. immediately.
8. adults throw hand signs for school spirit.
7. breakfast tacos. $1.50. handmade tortillas. eggs and potatoes and cheese. i mean come on.
6. tailgating insanity. people bring smokers and trailers and camp out the night before.
5. there is never an occasion where wearing cowboy boots is unacceptable. NEVER.
4. cowboys. in full cowboy attire. seriously. everywhere.
3. southern accents. sigh. they get me every time.
2. people are so nice its unbelievable. oh man i love it.
1. i just made crab rangoons and they didn't even light on fire! not once!

is this heaven or what.


update.
i just went to find a cute little picture of a child holding a gun to illustrate how wonderful texas is. let me just tell you. please. don't ever google child holding gun. oh god its disturbing. holy crap. i gotta go.

bye.

results november!

phew i almost forgot.

2 case competitions + 2 weekends in a row=
36 straight hours awake
only 1 caffeinated bevvie per all nighter
followed by 6 straight hrs of drinking and appetizering
followed by 15 straight hrs of sleep.

tantalizing experiment.

if i have learned one most important lesson in business school it is that with careful training, the body can do amazingly impossible things.

byee

what if

instead of eating dinner i only eat donuts.

also.

lately i have been noticing an abundance of bugs the size of baby carrots.
sup with that?!

also.

next time we get together lets talk about libertarians. i think i should hate them but every one i meet i love!

also.

its a real shame i can't study with music because when i remember to try and enjoy life on earth and i put some music on everything is instantly at least 3 times better.

also.

every time i try to cancel xm they convince me to buy 6 more months for only $18 total. its a great deal/scam. but this time i decided i really don't have $18 to spare; i am going bankrupt. so when i tried to cancel today, and refused the $18 promo, this time they offered me 2 free months! fools! i'm never falling for the promo again!

also.

i think i missed blogging a lot. sorry about that. life is dragging me around by the ponytail.

speaking of ponies
i think i am going to try to sneak out to piperponypants' new home to see how she is doing.
i don't think i'm welcome but lately i am learning in business school that it is ok to be sneaky as long as you are quiet about it.

so here's a pic of my skewl at night.
its really blurry but you'll probably like it anyway.

good talk. see you thursday. in thanksgiving. in my belly. in maryland.

bye.

me so hungry.

recently my sister went to alaska but she didn't see any bears. that's because they all moved to russia to eat human corpses.

read this.

i'm in love!

here's what happens.
this part is important.
go to the yogurt spot.
not some other yogurt place.
just the yogurt spot.
other tart yogurt is gross.
self serve yourself all the tart yogurt you can imagine.
toss in some chocolate chips, strawberries and of course some chocolate sprinkles
fall in love.

goodnight husband
goodnight wife

goodnight this tart yogurt shit will rock your life.

my professor told us eleanor roosevelt is a lesbian.

not sure what to do with this information.

but making a blog about it seemed appropriate.

experiment november

november is coming and i have been so busy worrying about school i forgot to leave time for experiments. experiments are the spice of life. so back by popular demand i will be performing some experiments in november.

here is what we have to look forward to.

experiment 1: participate in 2 case competitions, one weekend after another.
case competitions, if you don't know, entail 24 hours of near death experiences. you get a case at 7pm, work with a team, stay up the entire night solving the problem of the case, then present it at 7am the next day. if you advance to finals it is kind of awesome because the top 3 teams get money prizes (out of the 4 that go to finals), however it is also kind of horrible because that means that you have to stay awake till 4pm (to go to finals) instead of being able to go to sleep by noon and then when you end up finishing fourth after all that you kind of want to cry/die/eat everything in sight. i did one last weekend and i am still recovering. can't wait to find out what this feels like times two.

experiment 2:stay up all night two weekends in a row...without caffeine. for the last case competition i had 4 energy drinks, 2 cups of coffee, a diet coke, and 1 breakfast taco within the last 12 hours of my marathon. i felt like my heart was pounding out of my chest during my second presentation but i thought that was mostly nerves. someone later told me it is most likely from too much caffeine. so i'm going to cut that evil little monkey out of my life again.

















experiment 3: visit home for the first time ever. i think i am the only one that has never lived far enough away from home to visit for thanksgiving and then go back to life. yum turkey stuffing barkley.

results november. coming soon.

homie, don't go there

today's quote from my econ professor

street art by skewl

the time is upon us

3 days
41 hours of studying
6 energy drinks
not enough sleep

...and counting.

what is with this place i thought college was a party.

party in my pants.

bye.

morton please

affection is a strange beast.

it is really hard to have time for human affection when you have to learn what has been going on in class for the last 3 weeks and you were present so it seems like you should have some idea but its literally like reading chinese.










































unlike midterms, i seem to be keeping a pretty positive attitude. which doesn't mean i'm going to do any better, in fact i will probably do worse. but it just seems like freaking out isn't going to make me any smarter.

however, i am still studying sun up to sun down and sometimes i realize days pass and maybe i have hugged one person or talked to like 3 people all day. and while me and my pillow are getting really close (i love you miko) sometimes i really wish i had a dog to come home and cuddle and love instead of my pillow. or james franco he would be fine too.


















morton. barkley. this is where you come in.

i know it seems like your parents are cool, but there is so much out there. it is always warm here and there are squirrels to chase and a friendly neighbor cat, and millions of dog friends everywhere. i will let you roam around outside all day chasing squirrels and cats and plotting how best to cuddle me when i get home, and then when i get home you can show me everything you learned. i also really like turkey bacon so we can do that too. no crates. no poop bags. you are going to have the life.

pack your bags and get over here.

last day of class?! what the...

last day of class. 54th day in hell. 4 days till 1st final.

ready
set
die.

bye.

it was a close call

things got rough
i almost died 45 times
lost a lot of sleep
crammed too much.
forgot to eat
had a few panic attacks

....but i made it! midterms are over!

opportunity cost...what
depreciation value...what
amortization...i got you
present value....computed
mu beta alpha....fuck yes i know you

so yeah that's all.
going out to celebrate.
who even cares about 8am classes.

bye!

great night to be a redskins fan.

1 minute left in game. just a bunch of redskins fans at a bar in texas. nbd.





































1 minute after game. we won, oh no we lost, oh yes we won!
we won we won

studying for midterms

is for the birds.

so instead i watched football all weekend.
this place is insane.

scratch that

there is no light. there is no happiness. there is only the next two weeks and after that i will surely be dead.

here are some things you might have forgotten.
midterms suck.
really.
really.
bad.

especially when they make all our midterms at night, and then we still have class during the day, and the first home football game is this weekend so who is going to study instead of tailgate.

drunk studying is definitely a possibility.
so is dying.

studying is like when you look at a porcupine and you are like should i eat this? and then you are like no, man, that is too hard and prickly and it is just so unrealistic that i could swallow that whole big thang. and then someone comes over and makes you eat it anyway.
















the best part is, after finishing my first midterm at 9pm tonight, i get to go home and study for my midterm tomorrow night, and then get on the bus by 7:30am tomorrow morning so that i can make my 8 am class.

in conclusion,
don't eat porcupines.

goodbye forever.

i seeee youuuuu

i was hiding under your porch because i love you :(

picture dayyyyyyy

haha jk i don't have any pictures yet.

my life. everyday.

now that i am in school here is my life. everyday.
go to school and try to follow what is going on.
fail miserably everyday.
try to do the homework for a few hours but usually i fail
and then feel really dumb.
every.
day.

then come home and find a postcard from madi.
at least everyday sometimes more.

wonder about time travel some more.
have a panic attack about life.
eat some pickles.
sometimes also ice cream or cheese.

tadaa!

bye.

great scott!

just finished reading this chapter in my finance book.
working on changing my concentration to time travel.
see you in may 2012 suckasssss!

this is not a joke.
bye!

im baaaaaack!

well HELLO there!
or as we say in austin, hola!
jk nobody says that.
listen friends, it has been far too long.
that's my fault.

the journey to texas was long but fun.
max did most of the driving.
which left me with just enough time to perfect the self portrait.



there are about 50 more of these.
i think max wanted to kill me.

stopped in NC and ATL.
max's parents were cute.
new orleans was really smelly, but the jambalaya was great.
it was pretty mind blowing seeing how the city is still not completely rebuilt post-katrina.

even abe is concerned.

we were siked to reach texas

and even more siked to finally make it to austin


truth be told, it has been kind of a nightmare since getting to austin.
the apartment was locked upon arriving.
nobody would answer the phone
the after hours line hung up on me
the management company changed a few days before we arrived
so nobody knew i was coming
and when i finally did sign a lease the next day
the apartment had no AC and it literally just got fixed yesterday
and in 100 degree weather
that meant we were staying at a hotel for dayzzz.

skewl has been really tough
we have learned an entire semester of accounting in 4 days.
my brain literally ached on my way out today.
but i made it, i think i get most of it
and i'm super glad i came down early for it.

the people are ok, i'm working on finding some friends
but it's tough because nobody is like you, friend.
<3

austin itself is literally heaven.
we have explored a little
there is so much more to see
come and visit already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK well i owed you a marathon blogg and hair it is.
i have a week off
max found a job so he starts monday.
i, on the other hand, will be practicing sitting by the pool and sweating.
weeeee!

signing off,
cereal.

sayonora monday blues

well hello there.
today is the last monday i will be working for pretty much ever.
or at least a year.
to sum it up
that feels fucking fantastic.

sayonara monday blues you don't even exist anymore.

also you may be wondering if i learned how to drive a scooter this weekend.
well i tried.
but i fell a lot and my legs are all bruised
i screamed pretty much the entire time
and lets just say i'm never doing that again.
scooter's are hard despite their innocent childish name.
scooters are not a toy
they destroy everything.

onto better news.
a 13 year old girl has fallen in love with piper and i'm really hoping she keeps her
she wants to take piper to pony club and 4h.
i don't think that gets any cuter.

finally, once this week is over, it's straight up heaven for weeks
july 4th weekend of fun and fantasies minus the fantasies double the fun
ladies weekend plus max times infiniti
plus a road trip to texas
= love everywhere

californication

FINALLY showtime put the third season of californication on demand. as you may recall, i was melting all over the place for this show before. so far i have only been able to see the first 4 episodes of season 3, but is it just me or are we over this show?! i mean i'll keep watching because the first 2 seasons turned my soul into warm goo, but can hank just go to celebrity sex rehab with dr. drew orrrr what. he is gross and what ever happened to love.
LOVE YOUR DAMN WIFE HANKIEPANTS.
ok maybe you're not married but COME ON ALREADY.
jesus.

chicka chicka yeahh

things are really great, can you tell?
ok ok i'm freaking out a little.
mostly about everything.
for one thing, i had my last ride on piper last night
and it was really fun
she has turned out to be the most awesome horse
which makes me feel good that i was a part of that
but also just really sad.
cryfest2010 is going to start any minute now.

secondly,
i played an impromptu game of peekaboo with a little girl at home depot yesterday
but her dad hated her
is that even fair?!
can someone start having kids soon?
(ahem) (michelle) (wink wink)

point three.
ONE WEEK COUNTDOWN TO QUITTING MY STUPID JOB STARTS TODAYYY MOTHERFUCKERS
life is about to be so grand.

fourth and finallyyy
the goodbyes are starting, first piper
then all of you lovely birds.
this is getting harder than week old french bread
and i am so sad to be leaving you feathered friends.
i mean the blog will live on.
but im just so sad we can't hang out all the time.
you know?!

well on that note, cryfest2010 is actually starting now, so i gotta go!

bye!

pineapple express

ACTUALLY EXISTS??!?!?!?!?!

bonus.

manute bol :(

didn't we see him at zaytinya on my birthing day this past year? wellllll he died today at age 47. that is just bizarre. read this.

in other news: there are some pretty cute little places to live in austin and soon i am doing it.

hopefullyyyy i will be hanging out in this courtyard and this pool every minute. the realtor said a lot of the tenants are musicians and artists and they play music in the courtyard. chances are i think we found heaven.


in other news: google "eeyore's birthday" and then tell me why you haven't booked tickets to come to austin that weekend. here is a sneak peek:

yep.

you might be wondering

what the cutest horse in the world looks like.

here she is.

(here i yam)

its been a while, but don't worry, i'm back.
what have i been doing you ask?
mostly just eating greek yogurt with honey and granola.
but that is neither here nor there.

lately it feels like i am walking around with a ton of bricks in my britches
but i think mostly i'm just in this strange inbetween
inbetween israel and america
inbetween heaven and earth
inbetween this life and the next
butttt here i yam, still in this life, somehow back on earth, back in america.

i just read over a lot of my old blogs and i'm finally feeling like me again.
also remember when i wanted fire out of 2010?
and then there was a serious fire in my building?
hahahahah!
also remember how i blogged about how awesome austin is
and now i am moving there?
also remember about all those urban bats?
i knew this year was going to be different, and boy has it started off with a banggg.

phillyfuntimes on fridayyy.
finding an apartment in austin june 19.
finding piper a new home by june 26.
last day at work july 2.
what are we doing for july 4?!
max is coming july 6.
road trip to austin starts july 14.
stopping in atlanta and new orleans.
new beginnings in austin start july 17.

well anyway, i have nothing to say anymore. buttt let's get down to business and hang out a little before i leave.

bye bye bye!

and the boys

loving this

shirtless wonder

today i was walking to buy stamps for my dumb job and i found myself walking next to a local celebrity.

meet shirtless dude.

he runs around georgetown and dupont, he always has his shirt off and is wearing a bandana, and he usually is well oiled. he is always listening to music, he is more than likely really pumped about his tunes, and he is always running or doing push-ups usually in the middle of everything. he is sometimes shouting, but always dancing. he is also more than likely homeless but boy is he ripped. he kept stopping to look in cars so i got nervous he was scoping them out to steal them, but then it turns out he was just checking himself out in the reflection. awesome shirtless dude. awesome.

shalom motherfuckers!

back in america
back to work
back to life
back to reality

a lot happened in israel.
we can't speak about it because i'm heartbroken to be back.
but here are some pictures.




in other news: 1 month countdown to quitting my job starts today.

also, i am officially moving to austin on july 29.

c u next time!

holy shirts and pants

well my friends. it is that time again. it seems like just yesterday i was blogging about my two year anniversary at my job. you may remember: i kind of wanted to off myself.

however, i made it through another year, and my how things have changed. let's take a look!

May 7, 2007: happy and hopeful
May 7, 2009: bitter and angry
May 7, 2010: renewed and ready

May 7, 2007: overachiever at my job. sometimes i amaze myself.
May 7, 2009: hardcore underachiever. sometimes i amaze myself.
May 7, 2010: i cannot believe i still receive paychecks. i am pretty fucking amazing.

May 7, 2007: lots of interests, maybe law, maybe other things
May 7, 2009: not that interested in anything besides figuring out how i will never have to work again.
May 7, 2010: two years of not working, coming up! i hope i can get all the cobwebs out of my brain before skewl starts!

May 7, 2007: what's a blog?
May 7, 2009: blog blog blog blog blog blog blog
May 7, 2010: bleg bleg bleg bleg bleg bleg bleg

May 7, 2007: commute to work: 2 minute walk to metro, 8 minute metro ride.
May 7, 2009: commute to work: 1 hour and 10 minute drive, on a good day.
May 7, 2010: commute to work: 15 minutes, 10 on a great day.

May 7, 2007: horses are cool, but they're not a big part of my life anymore
May 7, 2009: dante was a good buy. broken horses rule! jk dants i love your bones.
May 7, 2010: dante :( oh that just made me so sad. rest in peace buddy. piper, let's get to selling your cute little buns.

May 7, 2007: man i can barely afford rent.
May 7, 2009: man i can barely fit these money rolls in my bags made of money taped together
May 7, 2010: who needs money let's live off trees and freedom and eat wheat paste

May 7, 2007: gosh this boyfriend chris of mine who is broke and lives in centreville is pretty cool.
May 7, 2009: ME AND MY EXBOYFRIEND CHRIS ARE MEETING FOR DRINKS TONIGHT?! What the....
May 7, 2010: i might be gay or something. where is mario.

May 7, 2007: i like tangerines
May 7, 2009: tangerines suck. so does everything else. everything sucks.
May 7, 2010: tangerines, you know when i was young, i used to loooove tangerines. back in the old days. when kids had to walk to school! and the internet didn't exist!

May 7, 2007: i like apples.
May 7 ,2009: i'm so tired of apples. apples suck.
May 7, 2010: apples! can't wait to give one to my teacher on the first day of class!

May 7, 2007: alissa's cool she doesn't smell that much
May 7, 2009: man alissa stinks someone should tell her or something.
May 7, 2010: alissa, i'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but you smell like roses and i may need to marry you.

DONT FORGET the sandwiches.

I just received this email from my dad and I am literally laughing out loud. It is really sweet and thoughtful but his notes at the bottom are so funny! WHAT NEEDS TO BE IDENTIFIED?!

Jessie,
I talked to the Israeli guy in my office and he suggested the following:

1. Bug/Mosquito spray
2. Band aid or small first aid kit
3. Sun Screen - it it very hot
4. A hat
5. A resuable water bottle
6. A good backpack
7. Beach Slippers for the Dead Sea Trip and the next day (muddy and sandy -
u can't walk with shoes)
8. 2 pair of good walking shoes (sneakers)
9. Several SD storage chips for your camera
10. An Adaptor for converting to Israel electricity system - to
charge you phone/camera
11. Painkillers
12. Inform the credit card company that you will be in Israel and the dates

NOTE: all of the above should be in your suitcase and you must be able to identify them
when you leave and arrive
Also: You may want to make sandwiches and put them in you backpack while on
outings

mr. balloonhands. no way. get real.

so apparently this guy dropped acid and then they locked him in a closet and recorded him. pretty hilarious.

don't worry

i know from the post below it looks like i'm suicidal but i'm really not. i just got a little sad about it because he was my first horse and i spent so much time with him, and i also think they put him down out of spite because they were pissed when they heard that i am trying to sell piper. they are dicks.

in other news: i forgot to tell you about these million things

for example: i was invited to interview at UT Austin, had my interview with an alumni in dc last week, and i think it went well because he emailed me today saying he gave me a good recommendation. he also told me all kinds of inappropriate things during my interview, and while part of me thinks it was a set up to see if i would also be inappropriate, part of me also thinks maybe he is just a skeez. most of me also thinks he is really hotttt.

also: i was waitlisted at UNC. i'm a little bummed but mostly i just wanted a yes or a no so i could know for sure if i am smart or dumb.

oh gosh what else: i am going to israel one week from today that is scary and i have done absolutely nothing to prepare. eeeep.

oh yeah and i took some glam shots of piper to try and sell her. look at this babe:

r.i.p.

dante
august 2002 - april 26, 2010

i think its finally hitting me.
i hope horsie heaven treats you well my friend.
you were a wonderful beast.
everyone that met you fell in love with you.
i would have given anything to make you better.
but i guess some things really can't be fixed.
you deserved much better than this.
i'm sorry i couldn't fix you.
i hope your next life is better than the last.
i love you to pieces.
rest in peace.

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