SHALOM!

it's official! i'm going to israel may 10-20. my flight is leaving from JFK. santy and/or wizzy i may need to crash before/after i hope you're into that we can talk about judaism i'll be an expert.

insert me in all these pictures:

right on

What you have now is a reality guy, which is fine, because that's all anyone ever has. So, decide if he's the reality you want.

look out my white friends

brown babies are here to stay

how awesome does this job sound?!

U.S. TREASURY INTERNATIONAL ECONOMIC CRIMES ADVISORS

(BANKING)

The U.S. Department of the Treasury's Office of Technical Assistance is recruiting individuals on a competitive basis to serve as Intermittent (part-time) Advisors under the Economic Crimes Program Globally. The persons selected will be hired under personal services contract to work for the Economic Crimes Team Program.

The Economic Crimes Team from Treasury's Office of Technical Assistance (OTA) has provided training and technical assistance on money laundering countermeasures and financial investigations to financial investigators, bank regulators and prosecutors around the globe. This training and technical assistance has been designed to give financial investigators, financial services sector regulators, and prosecutors the necessary tools to recognize, investigate, and prosecute money laundering, financial crimes, terrorist financing, and related activity.

SALARY AND BENEFITS: Salaries will be negotiated in accordance with program regulations based on demonstrated salary history. The salary ranges are from $123,758 to $165,300. Overseas benefits are provided when applicable as allowed by Federal regulations. Successful applicants will be subject to a security background investigation at the appropriate level and medical clearances. This announcement is open and continuous until June 30, 2010, although selections maybe made in advance of that date.

future here i come.

monday.

monday today you are worse than usual. 3314 emails. literally. where do i even start.

the wonders of this weekend are exploding out of my skin.

it all started when i woke up saturday morning in the midst of this morning meeting.

later barkley played big spoon. i'm wondering if that's what the meeting was about.
he is the most affectionate boyfriend i have ever had. i wonder when he will ask me to go steady.

later i hung out in gaithersburg for maybe the first time ever. and then commuted back to dc. brilliant.

also, the farrier fixed all my problems with piperthemaniac he is such a smartypantalones.

ok bye.

speaking of hugging

i can't wait to sleep on both of you snugglemonsters this weekend.

the weekend of love.

coming up.

sometimes after a monstrous earthquake

you just need a hug.

i love america.

thank you mr. universe

Libra September 23 - October 22

For Friday, February 26 -The universe has arranged a gift for you, a little token of appreciation for how wonderful you've been to so many for so long. Your prize is a perfectly peaceful day that's absolutely tailor-made for sharing warm, loving feelings with family and friends. Enjoy it, because you've certainly earned it. Oh, and there may be another little gift on the way. Check out that person across the room -- who's been doing the same to you. Nice smile, huh?

these teachers can DANCE!

last night

my office hosted a cocktail party for all of our prison guard unions.

close to a hundred people came.

we were expecting thirty.

maybe you don't have a good idea about what prison guards are like. well i'll tell you. they are gigantic and they don't see women a lot.

my fellow paralegal and i were required to attend and we really wanted to hold ourselves to a 2 drink maximum. immediately upon our arrival, we changed that to a 2 drink minimum.

sweating
awkwardness
fondling
drinking
drinking
drinking
awkward fondling
more drinking
ensued.

we also learned how to make beer, wine, and moonshine in the privacy of our own homes. now if that isn't important i don't know what is.

anywho, today is really hard and im so tired and dehydrated.

back to workie.
bye!

the best indication of a great city

is clearly its population of urban bats.

read this and tell me austin doesn't sound like the best place in america/the world.

Austin Is:

#1 Greenest City in America, MSN City Guides (2007)

#2 Friendliest People in "America's Favorite Cities," Travel+Leisure (2008)

#2 Best Place to Live, Men’s Journal (2006)

#2 for Live Music/Bands in "America’s Favorite Cities," Travel + Leisure (2008)

#2 Eco-Friendly Community, Natural Home Magazine (2007)

#2 Best Place to Live, Money Magazine (2006)

#3 Best City for Recent College Graduates, Forbes (2008)

#3 Cleanliness "America's Favorite Cities," Travel+Leisure (2008)

#3 Best Looking People in "America's Favorite Cities," Travel+Leisure (2008)

#5 Safest Big City, Morgan Quitno's 10th Annual Safest/Most Dangerous City Awards (2006)

#5 Best City in America for Couples, Forbes (2008)

#6 Best City to Live, Work and Play, Kiplinger's Personal Finance (2008)

Top 5 City for Young Singles, Kiplinger's Personal Finance (2007)

Top 10 City for Hispanics, Hispanic Magazine (2008)

Top 10 Best City for Young Professionals, Forbes (2008)

Among Hottest Entrepreneurial Regions in the Country, Inc. Magazine (2007)

Outdoors

172 city parks

30 miles of urban hike-and-bike trails along scenic Town Lake and Barton Springs

9 wilderness areas

300 annual days of sunshine

Mild winter climate and year-round outdoor recreation

North America's largest urban bat population—1.5 million Mexican free-tail bats

i think our souls are made up of a billion little pieces with little pockets that are filled and emptied to make us feel things. it's amazing to think about how you forget these feelings even exist because what are the chances these particles of yourself would be filled up in exactly the same way they once were, making you feel just that exact way. and you don't even know to miss that you feel that way because the second that feeling leaves, you're already completely taken by the next ones. but now that you're back here, in this pocket, that makes you feel just so, it feels really really familiar. and fantastic.

im feeling really familiar and fantastic.

can't get this face boner to go away

CEREAL: 1
GMAT: 0

time to stop dreaming about triangles
and start dreaming about life.



best day of my life
lalalalala

cookies and cream

we had a good run.

sushi

i may not have eaten it but i sure did love it.

the christmas that keeps on giving.
so merry.

crazy heart

theres something refreshing about coming home alone at 12:30 on a saturday night completely sober.

this little girl is growing up.


p.s. there are no words to explain how the movie crazy heart just filled my soul

my morning jacket's album at dawn is doing a really good job in the meantime.

MOOOOVIE DAYYYY

ok. just watched hes just not that into you. its snowing more feet. im trapped inside my apartment for lord knows how long. all i have to eat is sweet potatoes. im not mad about any of this. its wonderful.

lets talk about it.

hes just not that into you. GREAT MOVIE. why did all you people hate it. its so true? is that why? cause it ended with everyone getting what they wanted in the end anyway and everyone was an exception and you are never the exception so that sucks?

yeah i'm never the exception either. i'm the rule.

the ruler.

of this house.

so yeah that's really all. i gotta find another movie so i can blog about it. this is all i have. this is the e nd. of the world. snomaggedon.

snOwMG
snowrefest2010
snowiwillnotmakeoutwithyou
snowkfineiwill

in excess

examples:

the snow arrived in excess.
we now have more than 2 feet.

i slept.
in excess.
to the point where i'm concerned i have mono.

i studied.
in.
excess.

drank in excess
but just wine
don't even worry about it.

danced in a robe in excess
sike thats impossible.

listened to tv on the radio
really really loud
really actually still doing that
in excess

in excess


gotta go drink more wine

this snow is so silly

today i got this email from the senior partner of our firm in regard to an email i forwarded him.

Who is Johnny Panos and why should I care? I once dated a girl named Johnnie.

i was kind of mad about having to work today.
but look at this beauty.
i love this place.

self portrait

today seemed really great.
i got some new boots.
they are grey and happy.

then i got some new shampoo.
it smells like coconuts
and mangos.

then i went to hang out with madi.
she's the best.
things were looking really swell.

then i got home and found my apartment has no heat.
and now i want to light myself on fire.
and then die.

luckily californication season 2 finished downloading after 2 days so while i am freezing to death i can at least be in love with something.

im not even exxagerating. the radiators are completely frozen. like my body will be by morning.

well i guess this is goodbye.

forever.

friday night confessions.

today i tested the 5 second rule and it felt so right.
i made this pasta bake again but i had to use half and half instead of heavy cream because i was too lazy to go to the grocery store.
i'm not sure that was the best decision.
but i'm living with it.
it's really hard to watch celebrity rehab without drinking excessively.
wasted.
alissa's bus smells like poo but i think it might be her :(
sorry girl.
someone invited me to go to the georgetown game next weekend and they are playing nova and i thought that meant northern virginia community college.
apparently that actually means villanova.
oopsie.
remember the lady who had a planned dinner that i forgot about and so i showed up fucked up an hour and a half late?
i'm about to do it again. but i totally remembered this time.

let the games begin.

color my life with the chaos of trouble

A mile and a half on a bus takes a long time
The odour of old prison food takes a long time to pass you by
When you've been inside
Day upon day of this wandering gets you down
Nobody gives you a chance or a dollar in this old town

Hovering silence from you is a giveaway
Squalor and smoke's not your style
"I don't like this place"
We better go
Then I compare notes with your older sister
I am a lazy gett, she is as pure as the cold driven snow
She accepts my confession

What did you learn from your time in the solitary
Cell of your mind?
There was noises, distractions from anything good
And the old prison food
Colour my life with the chaos of trouble
Cause anything's better than posh isolation
1 missed the bus
You were laid on your back
With the boy from the arab strap
With the boy from the arab strap

It's something to speak of the way you are feeling
To crowds there assembled
Do you ever feel you have gone too far?
Everyone suffers in silence a burden
The man who drives minicabs down in Old Compton
The Asian man
With his love hate affair
With his racist clientele

A central location for you is a must as you stagger about making free with your lewd and lascivious boasts
We know you are soft cause we've all seen you dancing
We know you are hard cause we all saw you drinking from noon
Until noon again
You're the boy with the filthy laugh
You're the boy with the arab strap

Strapped to the table with suits from the shelter shop
Comic celebrity takes a back seat as the cigarette catches
And sets off the smoke alarm
What do you make of the cool set in London?
You're constantly updating your hit parade of your ten biggest wanks
She's a waitress and she's got style
Sunday bathtime could take a while

californication

is making me love sick. this show is amazing. watch it. right now. at work. i am. it feels great. and its breaking me into a million pieces all at the same time. oh my. i may never be the same.


gotta go, hankie's waiting.

call me chef

last night i made this five cheese baked pasta and while i may gain 20 pounds eating the entire casserole of it i don't think i mind. it's so good and so easy to make. i would have taken a picture but i was too busy stuffing it down my throat :)

weekend recap

this weekend was fantastically wonderful. things are a little blurry but here's what i can remember.

- me, baxter, izzy, and lou had a solid weekend of napping, eating leftover pizza, and sleeping some more. me and lou also decided we are soulmates.


- piper turned into a maniac. someone please take her.

- i miss dante :(

- wally family reunion <3

- played splitzies with melis at our favorite brunch spot. amazing.

- made my first recipe out of the soup bible and it was biblical no doubt.

- got a new book by a woman named cupcake. delicious.

- turns out i'm not as out of shape as i think i am.

- made the best bulletin board EVER. service day felt really good.

- took a practice GMAT, actually did fine, but my brain is still aching

you might want to see

these long awaited pictures from the holiday after-party.

out.
of.
control.

i give up.

eating ghiradelli intense dark chocolate and watching californication.

sorry job.

Alissa: you built this city

on cereal dates

cheerios and kisses

bill clinton

is a wonderful man.

please don't murder my sick pony.

well. apparently i am boarding piper at a barn in the middle of a drug circle. they found an 18-year old ONE BLOCK AWAY from the barn the other night at the end of someone's driveway. he was shot and killed. hmm i'm at the barn by myself ONLY ONE BLOCK AWAY at least a few times a week late at night. and i never leave my car doors locked. and i don't pack heat. neither does piper. also- i feel really weird that i had no idea the barn was in the middle of a drug ring. how did i not know?!

also- remember when that creepy dude helped me change my tire in that neighborhood at like 10pm and i was really freaked out?! maybe i was right about a) him being on drugs and b) him being super scary.

well. i'm locking my doors when i get to the barn now that's for sure. and i may need to invest in a bulletproof vest for me AND piper. we both have long lives to live.

peace be with you.

breaking news

well guys. i have some fantastic news. right off the press.

as we all know, i eat cherry garcia ice cream every day. as it is i have trouble feeling bad about it because well, i love it so so much.

however, i'm on a healthy kick lately, so i've been trying not to buy it. but it's breaking my heart.

yesterday i was in the grocery store and i made my usual mistake of walking down the frozen food isle and tempting myself with everything wonderful/terrible.

then i found you. you fucking delicious cherry garcia FROZEN YOGURT

!!!

and let me just tell you. not only is it fucking delicious. it is BETTER than the ice cream. and literally as bad for you as eating normal gross yogurt.

<3 loving life right now<3

i'm not gonna say i'm going

but i'm not gonna say i'm not going either...

"You may deny watching MTV's "Jerysey Shore" but basic statistics and the show's ratings suggest you're lying. Embrace your inner guido and head to McFaddens on Tuesday January 19 and party with unnaturally tanned cast members JWoww and Pauly D! The night will also kick off the bars new WTF Tuesday College Party, with $1 Miller High Life cans, $2 Blue Moon drafts, and $5 Jagerbombs from 8 p.m. to close! There will also be bikini contests, raffles, a spring break giveaway and, of course, fist pumping."

...awoww you may need to stay till tuesday

i'm so tired

but i need to find out if soccer dog survives.

(soccer dog: the movie)

greatest.
night.
ever.

additionally

last night one of the partners brought me and the other paralegal some drinks and we were like WHAT IS THIS?!?!!? cause it was clearly not the beer we had asked for just minutes before.

he responds

roofie coolada.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!




i have so many questions.
luckily, there was a camera. pictures to come.

well fine

i'm still drunk.

but i had a pepperoni pizza hot pocket and a few sips of water and i'm sure i'll barf soon.

so everything will be fine.

god.

why why why

1 comments:

said...

how will you feel the 2010 fire without 1-10 martinis?

January 6, 2010 4:35 PM

a good question.

hey everyone. remember when i thought i might not have an alcohol problem?

i don't i swear.

however, staying out till 3:30 on a wednesday was a TERRIBLE IDEA!!!!!!

oh my literally 3 hours sleep is not nearly enough. i want to die i think.

in other news: the holiday party was last night and all walls were dropped. and i think i got molested. and how do you even stay out till 3:30 on a weeknight that seems impossible.

oh gosh this day is so hard already.

bye!

this just showed up

at the top of my email.

About Today - Do You Have an Alcohol Problem?

i should mention not 5 minutes ago my coworker was telling me her resolution is to drink less. i disagreed. is someone trying to tell me something? DO I HAVE AN ALCOHOL PROBLEM?????


?????

perhaps. but i like my problem.

secondly, CAN GOOGLE FUCKING HEAR MY CONVERSATIONS>?!?!?!? WHAT THE FUCK GOOGLE GET OUT OF MY LIFE.


bye!

wednesday is the new friday.

well, it just hit home that today is wednesday and i'm not working again till monday.

SO. let's talk about 2010.

it's just around the corner! we are at the halfway point between tenth grade and 36. wowwzaaaa. halfway between youth and middle age. this shit is real.

i'm not really into resolutions, but i definitely like to take this time every year to think about something intangible i'd like to work on. last year, i think i forgot to make a goal, but that's pretty indicative of the past year in general.

i feel like my theme for 2010 has to be big- it's the start of a new decade. the first step closer to 36 than 16. so 2010, i hope you bring me fire. not the kind that burns the shit out of my crab rangoons and makes me call 911. just the kind that fills me with warmth.

<3 happy new year motherfuckers.

some important things.

- morning cake.
- i LOVE my abdominals.
- my jersey shore nickname is tan-tric.
- this would be cuter
- if che weren't a vampire. sorry grandma.
- in other news: sophie is still chinese!
but she's sorry about it.

bye!

this year for christmas

sophie turned chinese!

good luck exploring the infinite abyss

i just watched garden state. i simultaneously am coming down from the best weekend ever. i'm feeling the abyss really is infinite, and i couldn't be more ready to explore that.

i can't really sum up everything so here are some things you might want to know:

saturday i woke up with the worst headache ever. then i looked at my car.

later, i got bored and a big giant man wanted to make snow angels.

so i hiked across the key bridge

things were blurry and blizzardy and i almost gave up.

later, the friendly giant brought me back to my humble abode. unfortunately, barry was hiding. luckily, i knew exactly where. we had a lot of work cut out for us, but mostly the giant did that while i patted him on the back and said thank you.

the next day, work was cancelled! melissa worked her feng shuay and tadaa a new apartment.

garden state changes my life every time i see it. it just happened again. there is nothing more beautiful than life and living it and pain and love.


today we started work in the new office. without desks, it is rather challenging. but the law cannot wait, so alas, we work.

bye!

blind date

tomorrow. 5pm. happy hour.

get your pants on.

oh my god

I AM LITERALLY LAUGHING OUT LOUD RIGHT NOW HAHAHAHAHAH!

guess what.

THE TOASTER LIT ON FIRE AGAIN?Q!!!!

yes ladies and gentlemen. it is true. and this time, i knew i had plenty of time to get my camera!

so here are the pictures of my toaster being in flames FOR THE SECOND TIME!

those darn crab rangoons. can't live with em, can't live without em.

ayayay.

check check check

yesterday was so important.

- got a wonderful sleigh of ghiradelli chocolate everything
- ate pierogies for dinner. you don't even know
- dropped off the ipod and the gameboy. that chapter is officially closed
- essay ran into todd. that is wonderfully weird.
- picked up my rec from an old coworker. hugged it out.
- watched jersey shore. love the guidos. can't even fake an apology for it.
- worked in a few last minute revisions to my application essays.
- finished my application to MD! YAYYYYY

peace.

woah.

this weekend was so ridiculously amazing it hurts. like literally i slept on a couch 2 nights in a row and it hurts me physically. but also i ate so much food my stomach is literally deciding if it needs to implode. but also i am still fucked up and its literally monday afternoon almost.

so anyway, it all climaxed last night when i showed up at a planned dinner an hour and a half late fucked up, but only because i completely forgot about it.

i'm just trying to say, things have been rough but in the greatest most relaxed way possible.

and then i got this sleigh full of chocolate and i'm wondering if this is my reward for having the best weekend ever. like maybe there was a contest in the world and i probably just won it.

im wondering if i bought all the right things

intensity.

tonight. wednesday. things got a little intense on macarthur blvd.

this ends in a fire. hangtight.

wanted to finish my application/essays but sometimes when i have something to do and i don't want to i just clean everything instead.

things are really clean.

finished the application/essays/took care of biznazz. to spice things up sometimes instead of saying "business school" in my essays i called it "butt4 school".

the ruins and the top chef finales were on in the same night. is that even fair?!!??!

yes.

to reward myself for watching 2 hour long shows, finishing my applications, and cleaning millions of dishes, i decided to make 2 crab rangoons in the toaster oven.

elapse 8 minutes. 12 minutes less than it is supposed to take for them to cook.

i smell a little smoke. nbd. lately my toaster has been getting a little smokey and cooking things a little fast, but i just got it a few months ago, so i figure it's just going through a tough time.

elapse 1 minute. for some reason i get nervous, so i walk to the kitchen to check on the crab rangoons, and they are in full flame. i don't mean like a little burnt. i mean the flames are taking over the entire toaster oven. its at about the point where i think i should call 911, but instead i just stare at the fire in awe.

luckily, the toaster oven comes with instructions in case of fire.


you can't read them anymore because they melted in the fire. but luckily i read them before they melted.

now my apartment smells like ashes but at least it's not on fire.

damn you crab rangoon.


now its almost 2 am but i forgot to get tired.

and i can hear my neighbors doing it. super.

bye!

i hope this is real

get well soooon piperponyface

oh gross