you might want to see

these long awaited pictures from the holiday after-party.

out.
of.
control.

i give up.

eating ghiradelli intense dark chocolate and watching californication.

sorry job.

Alissa: you built this city

on cereal dates

cheerios and kisses

bill clinton

is a wonderful man.

please don't murder my sick pony.

well. apparently i am boarding piper at a barn in the middle of a drug circle. they found an 18-year old ONE BLOCK AWAY from the barn the other night at the end of someone's driveway. he was shot and killed. hmm i'm at the barn by myself ONLY ONE BLOCK AWAY at least a few times a week late at night. and i never leave my car doors locked. and i don't pack heat. neither does piper. also- i feel really weird that i had no idea the barn was in the middle of a drug ring. how did i not know?!

also- remember when that creepy dude helped me change my tire in that neighborhood at like 10pm and i was really freaked out?! maybe i was right about a) him being on drugs and b) him being super scary.

well. i'm locking my doors when i get to the barn now that's for sure. and i may need to invest in a bulletproof vest for me AND piper. we both have long lives to live.

peace be with you.

breaking news

well guys. i have some fantastic news. right off the press.

as we all know, i eat cherry garcia ice cream every day. as it is i have trouble feeling bad about it because well, i love it so so much.

however, i'm on a healthy kick lately, so i've been trying not to buy it. but it's breaking my heart.

yesterday i was in the grocery store and i made my usual mistake of walking down the frozen food isle and tempting myself with everything wonderful/terrible.

then i found you. you fucking delicious cherry garcia FROZEN YOGURT

!!!

and let me just tell you. not only is it fucking delicious. it is BETTER than the ice cream. and literally as bad for you as eating normal gross yogurt.

<3 loving life right now<3

i'm not gonna say i'm going

but i'm not gonna say i'm not going either...

"You may deny watching MTV's "Jerysey Shore" but basic statistics and the show's ratings suggest you're lying. Embrace your inner guido and head to McFaddens on Tuesday January 19 and party with unnaturally tanned cast members JWoww and Pauly D! The night will also kick off the bars new WTF Tuesday College Party, with $1 Miller High Life cans, $2 Blue Moon drafts, and $5 Jagerbombs from 8 p.m. to close! There will also be bikini contests, raffles, a spring break giveaway and, of course, fist pumping."

...awoww you may need to stay till tuesday

i'm so tired

but i need to find out if soccer dog survives.

(soccer dog: the movie)

greatest.
night.
ever.

additionally

last night one of the partners brought me and the other paralegal some drinks and we were like WHAT IS THIS?!?!!? cause it was clearly not the beer we had asked for just minutes before.

he responds

roofie coolada.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!




i have so many questions.
luckily, there was a camera. pictures to come.

well fine

i'm still drunk.

but i had a pepperoni pizza hot pocket and a few sips of water and i'm sure i'll barf soon.

so everything will be fine.

god.

why why why

1 comments:

said...

how will you feel the 2010 fire without 1-10 martinis?

January 6, 2010 4:35 PM

a good question.

hey everyone. remember when i thought i might not have an alcohol problem?

i don't i swear.

however, staying out till 3:30 on a wednesday was a TERRIBLE IDEA!!!!!!

oh my literally 3 hours sleep is not nearly enough. i want to die i think.

in other news: the holiday party was last night and all walls were dropped. and i think i got molested. and how do you even stay out till 3:30 on a weeknight that seems impossible.

oh gosh this day is so hard already.

bye!

this just showed up

at the top of my email.

About Today - Do You Have an Alcohol Problem?

i should mention not 5 minutes ago my coworker was telling me her resolution is to drink less. i disagreed. is someone trying to tell me something? DO I HAVE AN ALCOHOL PROBLEM?????


?????

perhaps. but i like my problem.

secondly, CAN GOOGLE FUCKING HEAR MY CONVERSATIONS>?!?!?!? WHAT THE FUCK GOOGLE GET OUT OF MY LIFE.


bye!

wednesday is the new friday.

well, it just hit home that today is wednesday and i'm not working again till monday.

SO. let's talk about 2010.

it's just around the corner! we are at the halfway point between tenth grade and 36. wowwzaaaa. halfway between youth and middle age. this shit is real.

i'm not really into resolutions, but i definitely like to take this time every year to think about something intangible i'd like to work on. last year, i think i forgot to make a goal, but that's pretty indicative of the past year in general.

i feel like my theme for 2010 has to be big- it's the start of a new decade. the first step closer to 36 than 16. so 2010, i hope you bring me fire. not the kind that burns the shit out of my crab rangoons and makes me call 911. just the kind that fills me with warmth.

<3 happy new year motherfuckers.

some important things.

- morning cake.
- i LOVE my abdominals.
- my jersey shore nickname is tan-tric.
- this would be cuter
- if che weren't a vampire. sorry grandma.
- in other news: sophie is still chinese!
but she's sorry about it.

bye!

this year for christmas

sophie turned chinese!

good luck exploring the infinite abyss

i just watched garden state. i simultaneously am coming down from the best weekend ever. i'm feeling the abyss really is infinite, and i couldn't be more ready to explore that.

i can't really sum up everything so here are some things you might want to know:

saturday i woke up with the worst headache ever. then i looked at my car.

later, i got bored and a big giant man wanted to make snow angels.

so i hiked across the key bridge

things were blurry and blizzardy and i almost gave up.

later, the friendly giant brought me back to my humble abode. unfortunately, barry was hiding. luckily, i knew exactly where. we had a lot of work cut out for us, but mostly the giant did that while i patted him on the back and said thank you.

the next day, work was cancelled! melissa worked her feng shuay and tadaa a new apartment.

garden state changes my life every time i see it. it just happened again. there is nothing more beautiful than life and living it and pain and love.


today we started work in the new office. without desks, it is rather challenging. but the law cannot wait, so alas, we work.

bye!

blind date

tomorrow. 5pm. happy hour.

get your pants on.

oh my god

I AM LITERALLY LAUGHING OUT LOUD RIGHT NOW HAHAHAHAHAH!

guess what.

THE TOASTER LIT ON FIRE AGAIN?Q!!!!

yes ladies and gentlemen. it is true. and this time, i knew i had plenty of time to get my camera!

so here are the pictures of my toaster being in flames FOR THE SECOND TIME!

those darn crab rangoons. can't live with em, can't live without em.

ayayay.

check check check

yesterday was so important.

- got a wonderful sleigh of ghiradelli chocolate everything
- ate pierogies for dinner. you don't even know
- dropped off the ipod and the gameboy. that chapter is officially closed
- essay ran into todd. that is wonderfully weird.
- picked up my rec from an old coworker. hugged it out.
- watched jersey shore. love the guidos. can't even fake an apology for it.
- worked in a few last minute revisions to my application essays.
- finished my application to MD! YAYYYYY

peace.

woah.

this weekend was so ridiculously amazing it hurts. like literally i slept on a couch 2 nights in a row and it hurts me physically. but also i ate so much food my stomach is literally deciding if it needs to implode. but also i am still fucked up and its literally monday afternoon almost.

so anyway, it all climaxed last night when i showed up at a planned dinner an hour and a half late fucked up, but only because i completely forgot about it.

i'm just trying to say, things have been rough but in the greatest most relaxed way possible.

and then i got this sleigh full of chocolate and i'm wondering if this is my reward for having the best weekend ever. like maybe there was a contest in the world and i probably just won it.

im wondering if i bought all the right things

intensity.

tonight. wednesday. things got a little intense on macarthur blvd.

this ends in a fire. hangtight.

wanted to finish my application/essays but sometimes when i have something to do and i don't want to i just clean everything instead.

things are really clean.

finished the application/essays/took care of biznazz. to spice things up sometimes instead of saying "business school" in my essays i called it "butt4 school".

the ruins and the top chef finales were on in the same night. is that even fair?!!??!

yes.

to reward myself for watching 2 hour long shows, finishing my applications, and cleaning millions of dishes, i decided to make 2 crab rangoons in the toaster oven.

elapse 8 minutes. 12 minutes less than it is supposed to take for them to cook.

i smell a little smoke. nbd. lately my toaster has been getting a little smokey and cooking things a little fast, but i just got it a few months ago, so i figure it's just going through a tough time.

elapse 1 minute. for some reason i get nervous, so i walk to the kitchen to check on the crab rangoons, and they are in full flame. i don't mean like a little burnt. i mean the flames are taking over the entire toaster oven. its at about the point where i think i should call 911, but instead i just stare at the fire in awe.

luckily, the toaster oven comes with instructions in case of fire.


you can't read them anymore because they melted in the fire. but luckily i read them before they melted.

now my apartment smells like ashes but at least it's not on fire.

damn you crab rangoon.


now its almost 2 am but i forgot to get tired.

and i can hear my neighbors doing it. super.

bye!

i hope this is real

get well soooon piperponyface

oh gross

piperponypants take 1

piperponypants went to her first show last weekend and basically she's a superhero. here are some pictures of her saving the world/being the cutest horse i've ever seen.

i'm pretty much making the best face ever in this last picture.

a hair.

today i found one in my ranchero veggie wrap.
dag.
i tried to find a picture to illustrate my disgust but looking at the google images i almost barfed.
double dag.

update on the herb garden

it might be dead :(

more updates to come.

there is only one problem-- i am monkeyman.

ummm how do you use these stupid blackberrys anyway

too weird.

today me and my lunch buddy were walking back from lunch again and AGAIN we ran into k. this time it was unavoidable. we were walking right toward each other and clearly made eye contact. so we caught up. i was shaking in my boots (slippers) but it was really nbd afterall. what i think is weird about this though is REALLY?! TWICE IN 2 DAYS?! that is fucking weird.

today

i wore slippers to work! he he he.

hey dude

today me and my lunch buddy went to brown bag for lunch. we looked kind of like brad and melody because she has blond hair and i have brown hair. nbd. first we ran into andy, the weird guy from the copy company we use. hey dude. then in brown bag we ran into this guy chris i went to chile with 5 years ago. it seems he broke up with his chilean girlfriend and has a new one now. i don't know this from talking to him just spying on him. hey dude. then walking back to work we were talking about k and there he was. this is the 4th spotting we've had i think but i am a weenie so i don't say hi. heeey dude. do do do doo dooo do do doo doooo

ready for biznazz

i've missed you. this weekend was grand and eventful. here is everything.

1) went to the washington international horse show on friday. you can try to make fun of me but watching horses jump a wall that is 6 ft 10 inches high is hardly funny. the most amazing part is that they are trying to break the world record (7 ft. 7 1/2 inches) which was set in 1983! MY BIRTH YEAR! 26 YEARS AGO! the dude that set it in 1983 said he thought his horse could have gone to 7 ft 10 inches, but that was the last round so they couldn't attempt it any higher.

2) rode as an alumni in the intercollegiate horse show at goucher. the au coach was positive i got first place, everyone was talking about how awesome i am (<3), but then i didn't place at all. bootown.

3) in the spirit of the washington international i rode piperponypants over all the hay bales and obstacles we could find. we jumped higher than ever (2 feet). that is a 2 ft increase from when i first got her a month ago. at this rate we will be pummeling the 7 ft 7 1/2 inch record in no time. watch out.

4) harses harses harses <3 sigh

5) still looking into alternative ways of living. i'm not opposed to burning my dollars and living off the land in alaska. chris mccandless did it.

here is a picture of him before he died.

6) i really really really miss you guys <3 where have you bean?!

7) sigh
8) <3
9) lylas.

frumptown

population: me and piper.

bye bye gay 25.

well my 25th year was kind of a disaster. now that exactly one year has passed since the disasters began, i can turn a new leaf, and hope this year brings better luck, better decisions, better health, better me.

so far 26 has already shown me amazing food, the best friends/sisterpants on earth, and piperponypants.

that's really all i needed. and then

i got an herb garden

(!!!)

26 is lookin reaaaaal good.

whatcha doin

(the view from my window)

sorry i called you ardi.

her hands are much bigger than yours.

these vitamins

make me so thirsty!

alissa

are you ardi?!

the cradle of humankind

this article is blowing my mind.

this american life

is changing my life.

i feel like santy just delivered all the world's gifts in one fellow swoop.


loving life right now.

and PODCASTS! WHO KNEW WHAT THESE EVEN WERE?!?!?!!?

(me).

the internet is so awesome.

<3 <3 <3